Halloween Night

When I was a kid I would go Trick-or-Treating. It was a happier time when kids were kidnapped and never heard from again as opposed to kidnapped and found dead in a shallow grave...sexually molested.

The good old days.

Anyway...as my children (15 and 7) have been growing I've noticed less and less participation in Halloween by the neighborhood where I live. There are less candy-giver-outers and less Trick-or-Treaters. The lack of participation on one side furthers the lackluster performance of the other. 'Tis a vicious cycle.

In all fairness to the candy suppliers and demanders I live in a condo complex that required costumed kids to climb stairs every door they knock on. Every fucking one. Poor kids poop out after an hour, but their thighs get HUGE.

My family and I went to some friends-of-the-family's house this year to do the Halloween thing with them. The thinking was that the kids could go beg for candy under the close supervision of their moms while my buddy and I would sit outside his front door with bowls of candy and a lot of beer, hoping to catch a glimpse of a Milf that dressed like a slut the one day a year she can get away with it. Tradition runs through my veins.

I picked up a couple bags of bulk candy at Costco before arriving at my buddy's house. He had mentioned that he gets a decent turn out of little pan-handling sugar fiends, so I figured it couldn't hurt to have some extra cavity creators on hand. Besides, I'd put the extra stock to good use if we didn't hand it all out.

The two families started out into the neighborhood to extort sweets backed by a threat of tricks should the poor homeowner not pay up the protection fee of sugary goodness, and my friend and I proceeded to crack the top of a couple of Bud Lights. If you are looking for a real beer connoisseur please go to http://jillianunbound.wordpress.com/.

The waves of children with hands out and the chimes of 'Trick-or-Treat' were endless for a solid 2 1/2 hours! It was AWESOME! People came from miles around to beg for candy in my friend's community. It reminded me of Halloween when I was a kid...back when Fred and Barney would hand out rocks from the quarry they bought at a discount from Mr. Slate.

The candy we had on hand went very quickly. My friend had to open his private stash of Bazooka Joe gum that was in a tub of 500 pieces, and break out his treasure trove of Snickers, Milky-Way, and other chocolaty goodies.

We had over 600 Trick-or-Treaters! It was the most amazing thing I had seen since I saw the image of the Virgin Mary in my stool last summer...spitting image...except for the little corn pimple.

All those costumed freaks, and no Milf worth mentioning. Maybe next year.